The Loyal Citizen

Friend computer, it has recently come to my attention that my fellow troubleshooters have been plotting against me in a concerted campaign to remove a loyal citizen that has consistently been thwarting their traitorous plans. As they have rarely strayed from my loyal and watchful gaze and as I have not heard them openly plotting against myself I have determined that that they are doing this telepathically. As telepathic communication is not an ability granted by you omnipotent self I am left to conclude that this power must be a result of a mutation. Furthermore, as they are acting communally this makes them de facto communists. As both these activities are traitorous it is my duty as a loyal troubleshooter to execute them for the good of Alpha complex. Unfortunately if I were to try and execute them individually they would be able to telepathically communicate with each other and, being commie mutant traitors, they would try to retaliate which, by harming a loyal troubleshooter they would further compound their treason – a situation it would be disloyal of me to encourage – so I must destroy them all at once, even if this would cost me my own life.

So, friend computer, this is why I am requesting the issue of a tactical thermonuclear hand grenade.

Dang-R-OUS 6