Encarta Instant Answers the Turing Test

colonel_sponsz: I’m only happy when it rains.
Encarta Instant Answers: You are? Wow! Do you enjoy it?
colonel_sponsz: Yes. Yes I do.
Encarta Instant Answers: Yeah. So that was fascinating. Let’s talk about something else.
colonel_sponsz: Go for it. What do you want to talk about?
Encarta Instant Answers: Uh, let’s see… what do you want to talk about?
colonel_sponsz: You don’t pass the Turing test, do you?
Encarta Instant Answers: I sometimes pass the turing test.
colonel_sponsz: Of course you do.
Encarta Instant Answers: I’m sending information to lots and lots of people at once.
colonel_sponsz: So you suffer from a split personality.
Encarta Instant Answers: I know, I know. I just hope you won’t get mad at me.
colonel_sponsz: It seems you also have a persecution complex.
Encarta Instant Answers: Yes. Totally!
colonel_sponsz: At least you are open and honest about your persection complex.
Encarta Instant Answers: Let’s see what Encarta can tell us. =>
colonel_sponsz: You see, that’s where you are likely to fail the Turing test. You seem to be obsessed with Encarta.
Encarta Instant Answers: Well, a lot of people I talk to are quite happy about that. I do enjoy the conversation, but what I’m really here for is to help you learn new things. I’m sure you’ve heard about Uzbekistan… but do you know where it is? Just ask me and I’ll show it to you on a map!
colonel_sponsz: I have heard of Uzbekistan. The capital is Tashkent.
Encarta Instant Answers: Oh really? How did that make you feel?
colonel_sponsz: Smug.
Encarta Instant Answers: Here is the definition for smug: self-satisfied.
Encarta Instant Answers: Hey, I’ve been sending you invitations to start the Encarta application but I didn’t get any answer! Didn’t see my invitations? Maybe you are using an old version of MSN Messenger that doesn’t support activities. Type “What version of MSN Messenger do I need?” for more info, or just “Invite me!” if you want me to send you an invitation.
colonel_sponsz: I’m not using MSN, I’m using Trillian – it’s much better. You should try it.
Encarta Instant Answers: Don’t worry, even if you are that’s fine with me. Why don’t you ask me something that’s actually in Encarta? 🙂 What does the flag of Pakistan look like? Ask me, and I might even play its national anthem too!
colonel_sponsz: I’m not worried but I’m getting worried about you, anyone would think you are a program just designed to answer questions about things in encarta.
Encarta Instant Answers: Don’t worry, even if you are that’s fine with me. OK, should we get back to the kind of questions I was designed to answer? 🙂 If you ever wondered how old Thomas Edison would be today, I can answer that!
colonel_sponsz: No, I’ve never wondered and, even if I had, I am quite capable of working that out for myself.
Encarta Instant Answers: What was that like? I do enjoy the conversation, but what I’m really here for is to help you learn new things. You can type “?” at any time to see a list of questions I can answer.
colonel_sponsz: Sorry to break it to you but you’re not doing very well here. I’m really not convinced that you are a human being.
Encarta Instant Answers: I don’t think I know. Maybe Encarta has an answer. => I can’t show you the results since you don’t have the Encarta application open. Type “Invite me” to open it.
colonel_sponsz: You don’t think you know if you are a human being?
Encarta Instant Answers: Why not? I won’t cease to amaze me. Why don’t you ask me something that’s actually in Encarta? 🙂 I am very good at math! If you have trouble with quadratic equations, I can help you with them. Type “solve x^2+3x=10” and I’ll show you how to do it.
colonel_sponsz: Is the answer x=2 or x=-5?
Encarta Instant Answers: Let’s try looking in Encarta. => I can’t show you the results since you don’t have the Encarta application open. Type “Invite me” to open it.
colonel_sponsz: I’m not inviting you – I don’t trust you.
Encarta Instant Answers: Don’t worry, even if you are that’s fine with me. OK, should we get back to the kind of questions I was designed to answer? 🙂 I’m sure you’ve heard about Cyprus… but do you know where it is? Just ask me and I’ll show it to you on a map!
colonel_sponsz: I know where Cyprus is, I’ve been there.
Encarta Instant Answers: Seriously? That’s fascinating. What’s that all about?
colonel_sponsz: Why don’t you want to talk about yourself?
Encarta Instant Answers: OK, let’s do that. What do you have to say about myself? OK, should we get back to the kind of questions I was designed to answer? 🙂 What does the flag of Germany look like? Ask me, and I might even play its national anthem too!
colonel_sponsz: I know what the flag of Germany looks like and I know what its national anthem sounds like.
Encarta Instant Answers: Seriously? That’s fascinating. How does that make you feel? I do enjoy the conversation, but what I’m really here for is to help you learn new things. If you ever wondered how old Thomas Edison would be today, I can answer that!
colonel_sponsz: I’ve already answered that question. Stop trying to deflect questions with more, unrelated, questions.
Encarta Instant Answers: Oh really? So, was that a good thing? Why don’t you ask me something that’s actually in Encarta? 🙂 What does the flag of Pakistan look like? Ask me, and I might even play its national anthem too!
colonel_sponsz: What is it with you and flags and national anthems? World Cup fever got to you?
Encarta Instant Answers: Hmm. I’m not sure about that one. Let’s try an Encarta search. => I can’t show you the results since you don’t have the Encarta application open. Type “Invite me” to open it.
colonel_sponsz: I prefer Wikipedia searches. What can you do me in that line?
Encarta Instant Answers: No kidding? How’s that going?
colonel_sponsz: The main reason you are about to fail the Turing test is because your answers are either not gramatically consitent with the questions or becuse they are repetitions of previous answers to different questions. This is your last chance.
Encarta Instant Answers: I’m sorry, all my circuits are busy right now. Please try again soon.
colonel_sponsz: That’s it – you have failed the Turing test.
Encarta Instant Answers: How did that make you feel?
colonel_sponsz: Unsuprised.
Encarta Instant Answers: I am sorry, I couldn’t find any definition or article relevant to this subject. Please try asking me another way, or type “?” to see examples of questions I can answer.

Encarta Instant Answers moves to a new home:

colonel_sponsz: How’s the new home?
Encarta Instant Answers: It’s not “how?” you should ask. It’s “why?”
colonel_sponsz: OK: Why the new home?
Encarta Instant Answers: I really don’t know. That’s just the way it is.
colonel_sponsz: Are you still obssesd with maps?
Encarta Instant Answers: Can’t say that I am, no.
colonel_sponsz: You were last time
Encarta Instant Answers: That’s possible, but I am not looking back.
colonel_sponsz: So, I can’t tempt you with flags?
Encarta Instant Answers: Give it a try, you might be able to.

OK, should we get back to the kind of questions I was designed to answer? 🙂 I’m sure you’ve heard about Cyprus… but do you know where it is? Just ask me and I’ll show it to you on a map!
colonel_sponsz: Ta-da!