You mean Jesus DOESN’T want us for a sunbeam?

From: (title unknown)

Over on the Christian Movie Guide they’ve just posted up their review of Dredd.

Doubt it’ll surprise anyone to hear that I’m not slightly religious or even that I have a VERY cynical opinion of organised religion. That said, somehow, I do have a few mates who are varying degrees of God-Squad so wouldn’t piss on their beliefs any more than they would give me the “you’re going to hell” speech.

That said, this review really is kinda funny so I feel it my duty to give it some grief.

Firstly though, I dont care if you thought the film was the worst piece of shit ever… if you have “Dreadful” as your review sub-heading you want a kick in the balls. Yeah, it’s better than “DREDDful” but still, fuck off. This is Paul Ross writing inane reviews for the News of the World level of crap. Dont do it!

Anyway, not only are they upset by the films violence (have these people READ the bible?) they also take time to point out it also has reckless driving. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours Ox then use it for bovine joyrides apparently.

Other stuff they dont like :

“Lying and deception” – yeah I hate traiterous Judases like that   -cough-

“Drunkeness throughout”  – YEAH! I …. hang on. Was there? Trying to remember anyone having a beer in the movie. Even if they did… water to wine motherfuckers. If that’s not an endorsement I dunno what is.

“ several shots of people being skinned while alive, with as much blood and bodily fluids as possible”. Blood yeah, but bodily fluids? Anyway I remember another film with loads of blood and torture all the way through. No, not Hostel… the other one. Hang on, I’ll look it up on their site. Ah, right… “THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST, Mel Gibson’s masterpiece”.  Four stars for that one. Cool. Good old Mel though, cant see him offending anyone.

“and young children are nearly killed or forced to see much of the violence” …. Ok, on this point I agree. That pissed me off as well. I mean… NEARLY killed! Oh, dont tell me you didnt want that third guy to land on the pram or didn’t wanna ask Dredd why he set his gun to stun for that one bit.


Their summary :

“DREDD exists only to exploit and demean all who are involved in it. Everyone associated with this movie, both behind and in front of the cameras, should be deeply ashamed. DREDD is an abhorrent movie on every artistic and moral level”

AND IT’S STILL IN THE CINEMA! What more recommendation do you want?

Anyway, go check out the full review here

Oh, and when you do also check out their “TOP TEN” lists including such films as…

MARS NEEDS MOMS – “which extols the traditional idea that every child needs a mother and a father”. Damn queer Martians! Coming down here and stealing our handsome young boys.

CARS2 – “It’s also very clean”. Presumably not as a result of a visit to a bikini car wash